Doubt and Fear Crept Into This Wilderness Man

 It's been a long while since I last posted to this blog. The reason is quite simple, fear and doubt crept into my soul which in turn, made me go into hiding. The how and the why of it is amorphous; the harder I searched for the reason, the deeper the question became.  

One major life changing event that could have triggered this feeling was easy to target; I retired from work after 42 years of service; however, as I ponder this as the progenitor of that original question, it comes up short of being the answer.  

Eventually, the cause of this angst; which I can only describe as an invasive feeling of helplessness and uselessness, came into focus.  

Shortly after my retirement, a change took place south of the Canadian border. This brought massive disruption to the way we look at our world and people who surround us.  This event immediately polarized people and the resulting fallout caused huge waves of anger, fear, domination and helplessness. This wave has had consequential effects throughout North America.   

Environmental concerns were immediately dismissed along with the idea of treating others as you would have others treat you. 

Those who embraced this change were haled as patriots, convicted felons were pardoned. The line between what is just and what is wrong was instantly blurred. Self indulgence and ego has become the only goal. Lies and corruption have replaced truth and decency.

The rights and freedoms of all those who opposed this change were placed under extreme scrutiny. Individualism took a backseat to servitude. All who express concern with this change are now considered anti patriotic. 

 The wilderness will be diminished and subdued. Life will be nothing more than servitude to those that push their reality as the only truth.  Alternate reality will become the norm. Artificial Intelligence will overtake our lives and will make it hard to know what is real and what is not.  

I am of an age now where the number of years ahead are far fewer than those I  have left behind.  I worry for the young people of society. I fear that these young people will never know the freedom that older adults love and cherish. A freedom which came at a high cost for earlier generations of young people. 

Thinking like this does indeed denude ones sense of wonder and awe; it will, if given enough daylight, draw a person into an abyss of negativity.  A place to which I have no desire to venture. 

Change is the one constant in life. Positive and negative are terms which will be applied to any particular change dependant upon the individual observing and living through the transition. One persons positive will indeed be another's negative.  

Individuals will embrace any particular change in life, or they will struggle to understand the simple but complicated question "why?'  

The wilderness has always been my home and teacher. She has led me onwards, providing me with the inspiration to discover that which is over the next ridge or around the next bend in the river.  Only here, in the infinite wonder of the woods, am I able to identify and quantify life's ever changing landscape.

Pertaining to feeling useless and helpless, that was silly and a complete waste of precious time.    

I hope that you will not become ensnared by the vileness and hate with is so pervasive in 2025. 

To dissipate these ugly and invasive feelings, Take a long quiet walk through the woods or paddle a quiet lake or river, the wilderness will help dissipate these life impeding thoughts. It always works for me. I hope the same for you.   

Wander and Wonder.   

                                                                                 R.G. 

How to Blend and Flow.

The forest is a place of wonder and adventure. It is a place where we can reset our civilized minds and center ourselves. 

This process is circumvented when we carry the baggage of expectation and fear. The two are separate burdens wrapped up in the same backpack. 

Expectations, simply put, are thoughts which prevent us from being in the moment.

As you wander down a leaf strewn trail, The trees form a cocoon of wonder all around you and the forest smell intoxicates your mind. You have your camera ready for the big moment when a buck deer will bound out of the bush and present you with the photo opportunity of a lifetime. 

Waiting for that moment or expecting that moment, precludes you from seeing the porcupine high up in a hemlock tree, casually living life as all the quilled ones do. You miss the mice people as they search the forest floor for food. You miss the hawk that is silently sitting on a maple branch waiting for the opportune time to launch itself at its intended target. You miss the dance of life which surrounds your every footstep. 

Fear works in exactly the same way, it stops you from becoming part of your environment. The world around you becomes a living nightmare and prevents any knowledge the forest has to teach you from manifesting itself. 

Forget the lessons Hollywood has ingrained in you, it is not real. Leave your expectations at home. Enter the world of the green with nothing but wonder and you will be amazed at the release this will bring you. 

  

Welcome Home

As the sun slowly slips down the western arc of the sky, shadows extend out from the surrounding trees pointing to the place where the sun will appear the next day. Wood smoke rises in a thin blue haze reaching upwards towards the pink hued sky. You sit quietly on a log in front of the fire pit immersed in thought.

 

The Light begins to fade and the cool night air stalks into your campsite forcing you to forgo your contemplation and move toward your tent. Opening the zippered door, you rummage around in your clothing bag looking for the hoodie that you know you packed. 

Clothed for the cool night air, you take your seat by the fire and resume watching the flickering flames as the fires' light pushes the relentless darkness back toward the forest and creates shadows which seem imbued with life. 

A loon cries out, the plaintive call filters through your mind and pulls your soul deeper into the wilderness.  Within the blackness of the forest, a barred owl calls out; four haunting notes repeated twice, then silence fills the camp site. A slight shiver runs up your spine as you realize you are a stranger in this wilderness, simply visiting from a place which does not allow the wild to exist. The realization that you are being watched by creatures which do not need the aid of artificial light, makes you feel inept and out of place.  

 Pulling yourself away from the warmth and security of the fire, you wander toward the shoreline upon which your canoe is resting. Keeping your headlight off, you gingerly make your way down the time-worn path. Your eyes begin to adjust to the darkness and you begin to see the world in black and white. A slight glow to your right alerts you to a phosphorescent fungus which imbues the forest with a hint of magic. 

A slight breeze tickles the water which reacts by sending ripples to tease the shoreline. You close your eyes and breath in deeply. Holding your breath for several seconds you then exhale the baggage your mind has conjured up. 

When you open your eyes, the sky is filled with pinpoints of light which are mirrored by the lake. The Big Dipper points toward Polaris, Orion stands on guard and Cassiopeia forms the letter W. 

Your eye focuses on Cassiopeia and your mind formulates two words, why and who. A question walks out of the fog within your consciousness.

 "Why am I here?"

As your mind grasps with the enormity of the query, a creature, unseen, laps at the water. You listen as it drinks. Not daring to move, you are instinctively frozen to the ground, becoming part of the wilderness you paddled into. Within a few heartbeats, the animal vanishes without a sound; you begin to breath again. 

The answer to your question has dislodged from your civilized brain. It is simply answered by two words; 

"To feel."  

Another question forms in your mind, coalescing out of the darkness like a far distant flashlight. 

"Who am I?"

The stars have rotated clock-wise while Polaris remains in place. A slight chill has wormed its way to your skin and you want to return to the fire, yet you linger because the question of "who?" requires some more thought.   

Shuffling your feet slightly, your right foot slips into the cool water sending ripples out into the blackness, informing everything they touch that you exist. The clarity of the moment lifts the fog from your mind and the question of "Who am I?" is answered. 

By simply re-arranging the words, the answer if forthcoming.  The sentence embeds itself  in your consciousness and you smile. The answer to the question is simply; 

"I am." 

As you walk back to the fire, the light of the moon begins to fill the site. Fear no longer lingers in the corners of your mind, you have blended into the wilderness and the simple act of breathing becomes special. Wood smoke fills the air with it's comforting aroma and you feel as if time is standing still. 

You place another log on the fire and resume your vigil beside the fires' glow. Heat seeps into your clothing and chases the chill away. Once again the owl calls out into the moonlight bathed world. You cup your hands over your mouth and call back in poor imitation.  Surprisingly, the owl responds. You have now become part of it's world, blending in and flowing within the dictates of nature. Any thought of dominance has evaporated and a sense of belonging has infused your soul. 

Welcome Home. 

 

Combating Fear and Panic.

For most people, life seems to be a series of random events which bounce us around as if we are a ball in a pin-ball machine. 

Society has set our expectation's to an untenable level and chains us to a treadmill which never stops turning. 

Every now and then, circumstances beyond anyone's control are thrust upon us and force us to ponder our place in the grand scheme of things. 

Fear and panic run together. They are a predatory force which will destroy your empathy and compassion. They will infect your mind and create illusions which simply are not real. 

The ability to combat fear resides in all of us. Focus on something that is close to your soul. If that something is not possible to do at the present moment, remember the last time you did it. Taste it with your memory. I am sure that reason will prevail and you will get off the treadmill which goes to nowhere. 

For me, that something is my canoe and paddle. The feel of the boat as it slides across the water lulls my mind into a state of wonder and rapture.

The ice will soon be off the lakes and rivers. When the water opens it's eyes to the sky, my paddle will dig deep and propel me into new adventures and discoveries. 

To all my fellow paddlers; wax your hulls and prepare your gear, brother Sun is clearing the way.